Alone

Over the past five weeks, as I have been recovering from my broken ankle, I have Spent an awful lot of time on my own. My husband has taken over the running of the house and the running of the church along as caring for his sometimes grumpy wife, so in reality he has very little time to entertain me!! 

Through my recovery there have been times of bliss as God has drawn close to me and I have got to know him better. 

There have been times of great excitement as God has birthed dreams in me to bless many.

However

There has been time of frustration when I just can’t get up and do something simple like make a cup of coffee.

There has been times when I have felt Completely and utterly alone. 

If I’m really honest there have been times when I have battled with feeling of unworthiness and misery. Psalm 13 1-2 seems to sum up what I have felt at my worst! 

 “How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
 How long will you hide your face from me?
 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? 
How long will my enemy triumph over me?”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭13:1-2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Sometimes in our lives we can really struggle with issues of loneliness and as a woman struggling with infertility it, in some ways, become a part of my life. Infertility often means we are excluded from the ‘club of motherhood’ and often the shame and intimacy of the issues means we can feel alone and forgotten. 

The bible is full of people battling with loneliness and  longing for a connection with someone . In fact Jesus was no stranger to the feelings of loneliness and misunderstanding that we feel. When Jesus came to earth many people didn’t understand him, in fact they despised him. His disciples (his closest friends) often didn’t ‘get’ him and he was often frustrated that he was misunderstood. 

When he was hanging on the cross, dying, he was well and truly alone. Even God had abandoned him. At the moment he cried, “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” He understood a loneliness beyond what we can comprehend. 

When I feel as if I am in a pit of loneliness, I try to remember that Jesus completely understands me. He has felt exactly as I feel. 

Another amazing thing about Jesus (there are so many amazing things about Jesus!) is that when he came to earth, he came as Emmanuel – meaning God with us. He came, died and rose again so that we would never be alone. 

On the days when we feel alone and at the moments we feel incredibly isolated and forgotten, we must remember that God is always with us. 

If you are struggling with loneliness in infertility or childlessness I would love to pray for you. Please contact me and share your story and I will commit to praying for you on your journey.

Also I would love to direct you to some groups of people who have made me feel understood and part of a sisterhood. Below are a number of links to groups and organisations for you to connect with. 

Moms in the making – an amazing faith based page, group and blog, full of encouragement and hope. They have an awesome Prayer partner system too! 
http://in-due-time.com

 Sarah’s laughter – a Christian based organisation that has amazing podcasts that will touch your soul.  They also have support groups across America and an amazing online group I am a part of.
http://www.sarahs-laughter.com/

Gateway women – a lovely online community where you can discuss all sorts of issues relating to childlessness. They also have local meet ups to find a sisterhood of women in the same boat. 
http://gateway-women.com/

Saltwater and honey - a beautiful blog about faith and infertility. They have recently run a retreat which was amazing. 
http://saltwaterandhoney.org/