An Adventure in Ministry

This week is officially baby and infant loss awareness week and through Facebook I have seen many interesting ariticles, posts and videos suggesting how we can support the many people around us who have been affected by the tragic loss of a baby or infant. Through my journey of infertility I have walked alongside many women who have had the joy of pregnancy followed by the tragedy of loss. I have seen how many have suffered in silence, afraid of what people may think and unable to deal with the awkward conversations that may ensue. I have seen the pain on anniversaries and important dates and the fear that further pregnancies may be opening their heart to further loss. Grief causes many emotions and I know this week many precious women are remembering times of great darkness. This week, as I have prayed for those women in my life who have  experienced the  great pain of grief that comes from losing a baby I have been reminded of how much more God cares. You

One of my absolute favourite verses of scripture is Jeremiah 29:11. It was the first verse spoken over me when I became a Christian and has been one I have clung to in many seasons of my life. In July this year. It started to crop up everywhere. Every book I read, every sermon I listened to and  every word spoken over me pointed at this verse. After a while I got the God-hint, started to study around the verse and God started to really speak to me. At the time Jeremiah wrote the famous verse, people had been exiled to Babylon. They had been deported against their will and were living in a foreign land amongst foreign Gods. In the letter her sent to the elders who were living in in Babylon, he instructs them to set up home where they were. He told them to marry, multiply and to pray for the well being of their captor. Jeremiah 29:7 says this: ‘Pursue the well being of the city I have deported you to. Pray to the Lord on its behalf; for  when it thrives, you will

Over the past five weeks, as I have been recovering from my broken ankle, I have Spent an awful lot of time on my own. My husband has taken over the running of the house and the running of the church along as caring for his sometimes grumpy wife, so in reality he has very little time to entertain me!!  Through my recovery there have been times of bliss as God has drawn close to me and I have got to know him better.  There have been times of great excitement as God has birthed dreams in me to bless many. However There has been time of frustration when I just can’t get up and do something simple like make a cup of coffee. There has been times when I have felt Completely and utterly alone.  If I’m really honest there have been times when I have battled with feeling of unworthiness and misery. Psalm 13 1-2 seems to sum up what I have felt at my worst!   “How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?  How long will you hide your face from me?  How long must I wres

I have always loved this verse of scripture, and in my mind it often conjures up images of mountain tops or views like the picture above.  It has convicted me to practice the Sabbath properly and to take a break from the business of life in order to meet with God. However In the past few weeks it has taken on a whole different meaning to me. Four weeks ago, whilst away in Herefordshire for a couple of days, I fell down one tiny step and broke my ankle pretty badly. After five hours in surgery and a lot of plates, screws and wires, I was told that I am unable to bear any weight for six weeks. I have to keep my leg elevated and pretty much unable to do anything! Those of you who know me will know I am always on the go. Our church centre is a very busy one and I am often seen running around in business. I am at my happiest when I’m out in the countryside with Paul and my two dogs, so this period of enforced rest has, at times, seemed impossible! At present I am unabl

Saturday was a really special day for me and a day of great encounter with God. I travelled from sunny North Wales to Coventry for a retreat day with other women who are walking down the road of childlessness and infertility. The devil had really tried to stop me going, so I knew it was going to be a good, God-centred day, but I never expected it to be such a beautiful day where I would feel so loved from the second I stepped through the door. It was a day with a Myriad of emotions. Each one made me feel more accepted and taught me something of the character of God. I share them today in the hope that they may bless someone who may be feeling grief, loss or loneliness or may be searching for a community who understands, they are out there and God will lead you to them Companionship It was amazing how in a room full of strangers I could feel such a community with those women. We weren’t all just sisters in Christ, but we were all fighting similar battles, with similar str

Sometimes God wants us to hear a message from him so much that he will use people around us to hammer the message home, and this week, God has certainly been trying to talk to me as I have heard the same message four times from completely unrelated people! Last week, a couple of the officers (ministers) from a Salvation Army church in South Wales came to spend the day with us. They came to see what takes place in the church my husband and I are officers at, and to discuss some of the ways we deal with the challenges we face. Our friend’s corps is very similar to ours and we had a lovely morning discussing how God is transforming lives and making messy situations clean again. But what really struck me was their big God-inspired vision. Even though the vision was costly (both financially and personally they were making giant leaps of faith and God was honouring them. As I sat and listened to their passion and enthusiasm, I felt God say to me “Dream big.” This really challenged

Soon Paul (my hubby), Lucie (my youngest stepdaughter) and I are going on holiday. Now, I’m one of those strange people who love planning a trip away almost as much as going on the holiday itself! I know, I’m a control freak!! I have loved finding the place to stay (complete with hot tub!), organising day trips, cleaning the house ready to go, packing for myself, the dogs and Paul, etc etc etc! But So quickly the joy of planning and preparing can become the ties of worry and the bonds of anxiety. The fun I have had planning have given way to worries about worming the dogs (really!?!?!) panic about when and how we will pick up Lucie and anxiety about making the house tidy for mum and dad house sitting (even though I know my mum doesn’t care and will tidy up for me anyway!) and so many other little things that have brought me down and exhausted me. Whilst pondering this, my mind turned to the road I am walking through infertility and once again I realised God’s goodnes

Recently I heard  lady talking about her own struggle with infertility and something of what she said really resounded in my soul. She talked about how she has chosen to be  ‘Fruitfully Barren’ Fruitfully Barren Is sounds a bit like a paradox doesn’t it?! How can someone barren; i.e.         not producing or incapable of producing offspring; sterile         unproductive; unfruitful:         without capacity to interest or attract:        mentally unproductive; dull; stupid.         not producing results; fruitless:        destitute; bereft; lacking (usually followed by  of ): be fruitful; i.e.          producing  good results; beneficial; profitable: fruitful investigations.         abounding in  fruit , as trees or other plants; bearing  fruit  abundantly.        producing an abundant growth, as of  fruit  : fruitful soil; fruitful rain. But as I considered this further I came to see the beauty in it and I realised that being fruitfully barren is e

Our second stop of the day was the church that was built at the site where it was believed Caiaphus' house stood. It was here that Jesus was brought to on the night before his death and kept over night. It was also the place where it is believed Peter denied Christ three times.  The church was a beautiful sanctury in the madness of the city and the church was full of beautiful pastel paintings on the walls and brightly coloured stained glass. One of the paintings that spoke to me was one that showed Jesus in ropes, stood before a crowed who are shouting and jeering at him. Above him, a number of of angels hold a cross, whilst God looks on the scene with sorrow and torment on his face. It reminded me of this famous verse:  We went downstairs to the cellar where Jesus may have been kept. It was in this place Jesus would have waited feeling scared, exhausted and full of sorrow. We considered that Jesus did this, took our sin and died for each of us. As we stood in the pre

Today we traveled to the Dead Sea area and we started at Kumaran. Here we saw the place where the Dead sea scrolls were found. The area was amazing, there was cliff after cliff and the whole land seemed barren. However in a pretty non-descript place these life changing scrolls were found.  Looking over the area, I marvelled at how God works. How the seemingly impossible, with him, becomes possible and how he works things together to make sure his plans come to pass. I decided, whenever I struggle to see God's plan, or whenever things seemed hopeless I would think of this place, because if he could ensure then 'needle in the haystack' was found, he can do the impossible things in my life. As Jeremiah 29:11 says:  Our second stop was an amazing mountain palace built by Herod in Masada. It was the place of a showdown between revolting Jews in the palace and the Romans on the hillside. It was an astounding place. It was amazing that it had even been made in such an

In the afternoon we spent some time at the Southern wall of Jerusalem. Here we looked at some of the ruins left from the period of the second temple. We stood on the steps where Jesus would have definitely walked when he came to Jerusalem for festivals.  We sat and considered how the area may have looked when the temple was still standing and what it means for us. Helen set a picture of what the temple would have been like at feast days. The sights and sounds, the hustle and bustle, the mayhem of it all. She then said. "The temple doesn't sound or smell like the house of prayer we imagine today." This really challenged me. I expect a house of prayer to be calm and peaceful but that isn't always the case, God can also be in the hubub.  I also considered that the bible says we are the temple of the holy spirit. Sometimes in church we can discount people because we don't believe they can become our vision of the temple, calm, ordered and compliant bu

Today our journey started at Yad Vashem, Israel's holocaust memorial. It is set in a beautiful hillside in Jerusalem and the aroma of rosemary, a herb representing remembrance, fills the air. We are shown round the museum by a guide called Debbie, whose parents went onto the Kinder transport to Britain and survived the war.  Our first stop was to the Children's hall of remembrance, a truly moving place, where the light of five candles are reflected with mirrors around the room. The effect is like a million stars sparkling. As we passed through, the names of the children were read aloud, a seemingly never ending list of names.  We then went into the main museum which followed the story of  6 million Jews who were led to their death. Our guide brought this number to life with stories of individuals who were victims of the holocaust, some who died and some who survived the horrors.  As we made our way through room after room packed to capacity with people,