What can I give him?

Do you ever get songs stuck in your head and no matter what you do, or whatever song you try to listen to it doesn’t seem to go? It is often a cheesy pop classic or a tv theme tune. I have had a song stuck in my head for a couple of weeks now and it is my favourite Christmas carol! It’s a little bit late now as we are a week before Easter! However a few days ago as I pondered the words of the last verse I was struck that now it is more relevant than ever. The Carol is ‘In the Bleak mid winter’ written by Rossetti and the final verse reads:

‘What can I give him poor as I am?

If I were a shepherd I would bring a lamb;

If I were a wise man I would do my part,

Yet what I can I give him, Give my heart

I have always loved this verse of the carol and when sung on a cold evening in a dark church lit by Christmas trees and chritingles, I always imagine these epic characters in their unlikely roles in the birth of the saviour.

I always imagine the shepherds terrified, yet filled with awe, excitedly picking their best looking and strongest lamb and leaving the rest in the sheepfold in order to find out what this awesome host of angels were all about! I imagining them all piling into the small stable so excited and full of wonder, and then I imagine them the next day going from stall to stall in the market telling anyone who would listen what had happened.

I too imagine the mystical wise men poring over ancient star charts and seeing something incredibly special. I  see them checking ancient prophecies and then imagine them packing their supplies and gifts for this great new king and setting off in search of him. I imagine their confusion and fear after meeting Herod and then their absolute shock and disbelief when they were led to a relatively normal family and their plain looking son – the son of God! I then imagine the epic journey back, avoiding Herod who was now actively killing all the baby boys, knowing that if they were found by him they would face a death sentence too!

I have always had an over-active imagination but the story of the birth of Jesus has always inspired me!

As I pondered on the words of this beautiful carol I started to consider my own situation. Due to the current situation in the UK, and due to both my daughter’s serious health conditions, and mine, we are now on 12 week self-isolation. This means at the moment there are no more walking the dogs in beautiful countryside, no more meeting friends for coffee, no more meals around the table with mum, dad and family.

Furthermore our ministry has changed dramatically. Our centre is shut and we are working from home trying to support our church congregation. We are making regular phone calls, writing letters, creating written worship resources, communicating via what’s app and making online content. No longer can I meet my friend weekly for our coffee, chat and bible study. No longer can we meet in worship together. No longer can I put my arm around a friend at the mercy seat as we pray together.

I know this is only a temporary measure and gladly do it to save lives and support those around me. However there have been times, as everything has been stripped away, that I have thought to myself ‘What can I give him poor as I am?’…… or maybe ‘What can I give him isolated as I am?!?!

Everytime I have asked this to God, the simple last line of the poem has come to mind.

Yet what I can I give him. 

Give my heart

  In this time where there is so much pressure. Pressure to find new ways of ministry, pressure to protect family, pressure to cope well in a completely new and alien situation. God is not putting pressure on you, he is simply asking for you to come before him, find rest and give him your heart.

For those of you like me who are maybe struggling to find their place, who feel ill-equipped and powerless in many ways I pray you will find comfort in the words of that beautiful carol and these verses from Matthew 11 in The Message translation:

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”