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Showing posts from 2019

But Mary treasured up all these thing and pondered them in her heart

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One of my favourite verses in the Christmas story is tucked away in Luke chapter 2. In verse 19 it says: I have always fond such wonder in those verses, pondering when and why she revisited those treasured memories.  As a church we are reading through the book of Luke for advent and on day 2 I came across a similar verse further along. It is in the only stories we read of Jesus’ childhood. It was after Mary and Jospeh had lost Jesus, only to find him at the temple teaching the teachers about his father God. In verse 51 we read: Now I have had a tough few weeks. December as a minister is crazy busy as it is but there have been so many exciting, scary and difficult things to contend with too. On top of that we have come against a lot of enemy opposition including two flat tyres in ten days, a husband with a broken tooth and a baby with regular explosive poos!!  The past few weeks have provide much to think on and much to worry abo

Flourishing in the Wilderness

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I have got a bit behind in my blog writing recently. Life has been Choca-block and it seems that every time I sit down to write, the baby cries, the phone goes or some crisis seems to appear. However I have taken the chance today as I sit in a coffee shop with a deliciously strong Americano to consider my next blog in the series of five things I have learnt in 5 + years of infertility.  I am a wholehearted believer in God’s timing and I think it is great that this should be the next in the series as it is the name of my book that has been recently released (I certainly didn’t plan that when I wrote my first blog in the series early in 2019) Through my five + years journeying through infertility I have often felt like I have been walking through a wilderness alone, dry and completely without direction. However through it all God has taught me so much about how I could not only survive in the wilderness but I could flourish. The only way I could do this was through having fa

The Lord Loves Lament

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One of the most interesting lessons I have learnt in my 5+ years of infertility was about lament. Up until I experienced the sorrow of infertility, lament had been something I had not really paid much attention to. I thought that David in the psalms was a bit of a moaner and I had never really opened the book of Lamentations. But when I discovered lament, I found a whole new way to worship God and exercise my faith. So what is lament? In simplicity it is a prayer to God for help and it comes out of a place of intense pain and suffering.  In my opinion it seems to be a forgotten form of worship, with Christians often believing that by acknowledging pain and hurt they are somehow being a bad Christian. However lament has a string biblical presence. Over 1/3 of the psalms are psalm of lament, many of the prophets lamented, (especially Jeremiah) and Job lamented over his situation. There is even a book of lament aptly named Lamentations. Interestingly Jesus too had moments of lame

Community brings Courage

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I have written about friendships and community pretty regularly on my blog and I’m writing about it again today as I feel it is so important in the discussion of infertility and generally in challenges people face. One of the main words I would use to describe infertility is ‘lonely’. There were dark times I felt completely alone, that no one understood me, not my friends, nor my family and not even God! Thankfully those days were few and far between and I’m a sure that finding a community to share with has certainly helped with that.  When we first started trying to start our family, pregnancy announcements and photos of happy new families didn’t really bother me too much, but as time went on it took more and more effort to be happy for others when they received what I desire.  As the sorrow continued to wash over me, in honesty, my heart became harder. In self preservation, for my physical and mental health, I started cutting myself off from those around me who were

Marriage before Motherhood

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It is rather apt that I have chosen to write this blog post now as Paul and I have just celebrated our six year wedding anniversary. I’m not ashamed to take this opportunity to share some of our gorgeous wedding photographs with you! Although in the grander scheme of things six years married may not be a long time, through our marriage we have faced caring for my terminally ill mother-in-law and later seeing her  pass away; navigating bringing up Paul’s three teenage daughters. We have lost jobs, friends ,   dreams and have also spent nearly all of our marriage trying to conceive children.  Not only have we faced all these difficulties, but we have spent nearly four years working in partnership in ministry. So we not only live and socialise together, but we work together every day too and I am proud to say that it has never been stronger! I don’t say this to brag, but through some pretty big struggles we have learnt some really important truths.  Throughout our

5 things I have learnt through my 5+ years of infertility

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A few months ago our lives were turned upside down (in an utterly gorgeous and beautifully fulfilling way) when finally, after over five years of praying, waiting and believing we brought our beautiful adopted daughter home to her forever family. It has taken me  a while to get used to the title of ‘mum’ and to realise that those aisles in the supermarket that were once too painful to walk down are now the ones I frequent the most!  Having now settled down with miracle I have begun to ponder some of the things that God has taught me through our journey to grow our family. They are lessons that I am still  learning daily and there are burdens that are still very real. I am painfully aware that  although I now have the most perfect little poppet to call me mum, I have never seen a positive pregnancy test, never given birth to a baby and I’m still know as someone with unexplained infertility.  Over the next few week I would love to share 5 things that I have learnt