An Adventure in Ministry

I have got a bit behind in my blog writing recently. Life has been Choca-block and it seems that every time I sit down to write, the baby cries, the phone goes or some crisis seems to appear. However I have taken the chance today as I sit in a coffee shop with a deliciously strong Americano to consider my next blog in the series of five things I have learnt in 5 + years of infertility.  I am a wholehearted believer in God’s timing and I think it is great that this should be the next in the series as it is the name of my book that has been recently released (I certainly didn’t plan that when I wrote my first blog in the series early in 2019) Through my five + years journeying through infertility I have often felt like I have been walking through a wilderness alone, dry and completely without direction. However through it all God has taught me so much about how I could not only survive in the wilderness but I could flourish. The only way I could do this was through havin...

Throughout my journey of infertility I have learnt so much. I have learnt that he holds me in the hardest time, I have learnt that he if faithful and will provide you with the love and support that you need to endure each trial. I have learnt that his timing is perfect, even when I just don’t get it!! However one thing I have really struggled with through this time, one small word that holds so much power, that small word is HOPE. In my darkest days I have failed to see any hope at all, and on my easier days I have simply been too afraid to have hope in case I might get my hopes up in order to have them dashed again by the familiar sight of a negative pregnancy test. The bible verse Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick” was so true in some of the areas of my life, and although God was doing amazing things through my story and in my life, I still felt I was lacking in hope that God really was going to give me a child. Last October, a beautiful sis...

For those of you who have read my previous blog, you will know some of my feelings surrounding Mother’s Day and my decision to not only attend church but to share in the service on that day. I wanted to share with you how it went and how God spoke to me in a beautiful way through it.  As part of the service we wanted to provide a space for grief and lament as well as a space to celebrate. We had a display of white roses on our mercy seat (the place of prayer) and as we played a beautiful song people had the opportunity to take a rose (or as many as they wanted) and place it in a vase to represent a person/opportunity that they remember on this day. It was an absolutely amazing, spirit filled moment.  As a celebration of the mother figures in our life we gave everyone a red rose. In the morning, as I was preparing the roses by attaching a bible verse to each rose, I found one rose that didn’t seem to be as ‘attractive’ as the others. The stalk didn’t seem as ...

Mother’s Day is approaching. For some people it is a time full of joy and celebration, for others, however, it can be a horrendous time full of sorrow and pain. I fall into the second category. For the past few years, as we have been ttc it has got harder and harder.  For a while, as a single woman Mother’s Day was tough as it reminded me of a future I wasn’t sure that I would have. Then when I met Paul I suddenly became step-mother to three teenage girls and it brought a whole new dimension. Mother’s Day at church was filled with conflicted loyalty for the girls and a reminder that I wasn’t a real mum! I remember one year, one of the girls going to get me the obligatory ‘Mother’s Day gift’ whilst another having stern words with her that I shouldn’t receive a gift as I wasn’t really her mum and that their mum was at home expecting a gift. The whole while I felt terribly guilty that I had put everyone in such a position, happy that I was seen in some way as a mum and sad th...

This week is officially baby and infant loss awareness week and through Facebook I have seen many interesting ariticles, posts and videos suggesting how we can support the many people around us who have been affected by the tragic loss of a baby or infant. Through my journey of infertility I have walked alongside many women who have had the joy of pregnancy followed by the tragedy of loss. I have seen how many have suffered in silence, afraid of what people may think and unable to deal with the awkward conversations that may ensue. I have seen the pain on anniversaries and important dates and the fear that further pregnancies may be opening their heart to further loss. Grief causes many emotions and I know this week many precious women are remembering times of great darkness. This week, as I have prayed for those women in my life who have  experienced the  great pain of grief that comes from losing a baby I have been reminded of how much more God ca...

One of my absolute favourite verses of scripture is Jeremiah 29:11. It was the first verse spoken over me when I became a Christian and has been one I have clung to in many seasons of my life. In July this year. It started to crop up everywhere. Every book I read, every sermon I listened to and  every word spoken over me pointed at this verse. After a while I got the God-hint, started to study around the verse and God started to really speak to me. At the time Jeremiah wrote the famous verse, people had been exiled to Babylon. They had been deported against their will and were living in a foreign land amongst foreign Gods. In the letter her sent to the elders who were living in in Babylon, he instructs them to set up home where they were. He told them to marry, multiply and to pray for the well being of their captor. Jeremiah 29:7 says this: ‘Pursue the well being of the city I have deported you to. Pray to the Lord on its behalf; for  when i...

Over the past five weeks, as I have been recovering from my broken ankle, I have Spent an awful lot of time on my own. My husband has taken over the running of the house and the running of the church along as caring for his sometimes grumpy wife, so in reality he has very little time to entertain me!!  Through my recovery there have been times of bliss as God has drawn close to me and I have got to know him better.  There have been times of great excitement as God has birthed dreams in me to bless many. However There has been time of frustration when I just can’t get up and do something simple like make a cup of coffee. There has been times when I have felt Completely and utterly alone.  If I’m really honest there have been times when I have battled with feeling of unworthiness and misery. Psalm 13 1-2 seems to sum up what I have felt at my worst!   “How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?  How long will you hide your face fr...

Saturday was a really special day for me and a day of great encounter with God. I travelled from sunny North Wales to Coventry for a retreat day with other women who are walking down the road of childlessness and infertility. The devil had really tried to stop me going, so I knew it was going to be a good, God-centred day, but I never expected it to be such a beautiful day where I would feel so loved from the second I stepped through the door. It was a day with a Myriad of emotions. Each one made me feel more accepted and taught me something of the character of God. I share them today in the hope that they may bless someone who may be feeling grief, loss or loneliness or may be searching for a community who understands, they are out there and God will lead you to them Companionship It was amazing how in a room full of strangers I could feel such a community with those women. We weren’t all just sisters in Christ, but we were all fighting similar battles, with similar...