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An identity crisis

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I have always been someone pretty secure in myself. I have relished my identity in ministry running a Salvation Army church together with my husband, I have loved my identity as a step mother to three lovely girls who have grown into beautiful women. When we adopted our daughter 8 years ago, I relished the title of mum, as we took our nearly 9 month old into our family. Over the years I have stepped up to the title of carer and advocate for her and while she is far more reliant on me than many other nearly 9 year olds, I have managed to find a balance between my roles as mum, wife, minister and the many other hats that I wear.  However, the last year or so has been a real learning curve in relation to my identity. From the moment I became pregnant with my son, my priority became protecting him. Pregnancy after baby loss can make you question many things about your own identity, and while I ultimately know that my identity is in Christ, It was a little more wobbly than it had been b...
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After the Amen: Learning to live in the answer

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  It has been a long time since I have regularly written on this blog. I have had a big writing project on, and life has been very busy. After 13 years of walking through infertility, earlier in the year I gave birth to our miracle little boy! As you can imagine, life has changed quite a bit and I am only just starting to surface from the blur of the newborn days! In recent days God has been speaking to me and I have been meditating on what it means to live in your answered prayer. As I have been considering this I knew that the lessons I have been learning are too good not to share! So here are Five things I have learned about living in answered prayers.  “I nearly forgot to say thank you” David declares in Psalm 118:21:  “I thank you for answering my prayer and giving me victory” After praying for over a decade and after having a miscarriage and losing a precious baby just months before falling pregnant with our son, my pregnancy was understandably an anxious time and w...
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"Go for sinners and go for the worst" - Does this include the "Far-Right" too?

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The founder of The Salvation Army, William Booth said many interesting and motivating things, but one quote that fills me in equal measures of excitement and dread over the years is “Go for sinners and go for the worst” Throughout my ministry I have tried to do exactly that, seeking out people others see as the worst and trying to show them the love of Jesus. Sometimes it has been costly, sometimes it has been uncomfortable, sometimes it has been scary, sometimes it has been a resounding flop, but always there has been a sense of God’s presence in the margins.  Over the last couple of years, I have watched on in increasing horror as I have seen many people in society, and more worryingly, people of all levels in the church, condemn, criticise attack and ostracise a large swathe of society labelling them as hateful and anti-God. These people are often labelled ‘Far right thugs’ who see the changes in our country and feel that there is no politician or leader looking out for their go...
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Lessons in Babyloss - A Reflection

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  This week is Babyloss awareness week where many mums and dads remember their precious babies and reflect on their babyloss experience. Last week I had the absolute privilege to speak at our local baby loss awareness week remembrance service and it was such a special experience.  Six months ago, after 12 years of infertility, we discovered we were miraculously pregnant! Unfortunately a few weeks later we lost our precious and much loved child in a tragic and pretty traumatic way. It was the darkest time of my life, but through this time I learned a lot about grief, about myself and about God. This week seems a perfect time to share some of the lessons I learnt while walking through loss and I pray that it might be useful to someone else as they navigate grief. Don’t grieve alone When we found out we were pregnant, we shared our news with the world pretty quickly. While some people didn’t understand our choice to share so early on, it was the best thing we could ever do, as w...
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God is good ALL the time

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  I have been thinking for some time about sharing a little bit about what has been going on in my life over the last couple of months. Some of you will know that it has been a roller coaster ride with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.  Over the last 12 years my husband and I have been walking through infertility, being diagnosed with unexplained infertility after tests 11 years ago. Through this time I have experienced great pain and grief, but also great blessings and joy. I have learned so much about God, who he is and who I am in him. God also led us to adopt and 7 years ago  We brought our beautiful daughter home.  In the years that have followed we have prayed for and believed that God would do a miracle and I would get pregnant naturally, and recently my prayers were answered! It took 5 tests for it to sink in! We praised the Lord and continued to pray for a happy, healthy and non-descript pregnancy.  However, on my 40th birthday I began to not...
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Here comes the Sun

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  The last few days we have had the blessing of some glorious spring sunshine, and it has been amazing to see the difference that this has made. People seem happier, they seem to have a spring in their step and they are even friendlier! This morning as I walked my daughter to school in the sunshine, one of the regular dog walkers, who usually says hi and shuffles on their way, stopped and had a conversation with me about how glorious the sunshine was. This encounter got me thinking! The sun has a profound effect on our bodies including Sleep : Our body produces Melatonin which helps us sleep. Research suggests that sunshine helps us to regulate our natural body rhythms telling our bodies when to produce melatonin, so the more sunshine you get, the better you will sleep. Stress : Melatonin also regulates our stress levels, so time spent in the sunshine, especially when engaging in physical activity can reduce your stress levels significantly. Bones : The sunshine causes our ...
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