God is good ALL the time

 I have been thinking for some time about sharing a little bit about what has been going on in my life over the last couple of months. Some of you will know that it has been a roller coaster ride with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. 

Over the last 12 years my husband and I have been walking through infertility, being diagnosed with unexplained infertility after tests 11 years ago. Through this time I have experienced great pain and grief, but also great blessings and joy. I have learned so much about God, who he is and who I am in him. God also led us to adopt and 7 years ago 

We brought our beautiful daughter home. 

In the years that have followed we have prayed for and believed that God would do a miracle and I would get pregnant naturally, and recently my prayers were answered! It took 5 tests for it to sink in! We praised the Lord and continued to pray for a happy, healthy and non-descript pregnancy. 

However, on my 40th birthday I began to notice some spotting. A trip to the doctors and a private scan later we were told everything was looking good and the following day we flew to Rome for my birthday gift from my husband. While we were away I continued to notice blood, but we continued to trust that all would be well. We returned from holiday and attended a scan at the early pregnancy assessment unit to be told that all was well, the baby had grown significantly and as things stood there was nothing to worry about. 

Within a couple of days though I knew something was up and I ended up at A and E pretty sure that I was losing my miracle baby. After an examination and blood tests we were told to go home and rest and we were booked in for a scan in 48 hours time. We tried to remain positive, we had an army of people praying for us, but I was still incredibly distressed. 

The scan confirmed our worst fears, the baby was gone. But as if this wasn’t shocking enough, the sonographer noticed something else. Sat right behind where the baby had been was a Coil that I believed had been removed 16 years ago. After a short discussion with the midwife, who unsurprisingly didn’t know what to say, we were told to go for a coffee while they tried to make sense of it all with the doctors. On our return we met with the doctor who told us that the fact I had conceived and carried a baby for so long with a coil nestled behind it was an absolute miracle and assured us they would look to get the coil removed asap, and a week later they did. 

The last month has been so unbelievably difficult. I have been grieving the death of my baby and the shame that comes with miscarriage, I have been grieving the 12 years of infertility and the grief that comes with it, and I have been grieving 12 years of what could have been, the children that could have been birthed and the anger that comes with it. It has been raw, it has been messy and it has been so very sad.

HOWEVER

Through it all I have been more and more assured that God is good! I have been surrounded by an army of people who have prayed and contended for us and have rejoiced when we have rejoiced and wept when we have wept. I have seen God do the miraculous and have had the opportunity to share with others in a way never possible before. I found treasures in the darkness as I have remained hidden in him and above all I have a renewed hope. A hope that God will move in the lives of the people I love, A hope that God will finish what he started and a hope that God’s plan for my life is not only good, but is the only way I ever want to go. 

I could share with you so many stories of what God has done for us as a family in this season, and perhaps in time I will. But for now, in the midst of the intense pain and overwhelming grief I will declare God is good, all the time!